Break My Cup

Am I empty? No.
Am I full? I'm filled, but not full.

Let me explain. (Or at least try to.)

Last week was crazy. And by crazy, I mean two things. First off, I slept hardly ever - there was an all-nighter in there for one night and a couple of staying up until 3 or 4am nights in the mix too. But now for the second part. I experienced a peace and a joy through last week that I can't explain. In the midst of the craziness, I knew in my innermost self that it was going to be ok (well, actually better than ok).

Where to even start...

I want to begin by sharing this journal entry I wrote while I was in the middle of a prayer walk last semester: I'll fill up your cup to the top until its overflowing. The problem is that you think it stops there but you can glance back down only to find that the cup has gotten bigger. There's more room yet to fill...and that's how it keeps going. It's ok to ask for more. You might have grown up thinking that it's rude or disrespectful to ask your giver for more. Here, it's different. It's ok to ask for more - in fact, I WANT you to ask for more so that I can GIVE it to you. (10/24/13)

Fast-forward to the week of 3/26/14. 

I'm scrambling to write papers, study for tests, and do everything else I need to do to live...like eat and sleep, for example. I was debating going to Wesley on Wednesday just because I had a meeting that went until 8 on Wednesday and I needed to finish a paper. But I went. To be honest, I wasn't fully there in the worship. Sure, I was physically present; I was singing, but I wasn't mentally or spiritually present. One of the interns got up to share her testimony. I listened, but I was still not there. Bob spoke. Still the same thing. But then...something strange happened that I can't quite explain. It's like, even though I didn't think I was listening, my spirit was responding. It was like I could feel something within me responding. I told you - I can't explain it, but it was something quite like I've never experienced. The closest thing I can relate it to was what I experienced when I got prayed for after I was baptized.

To make what could be a long story short, I fell in love again on Wednesday night. I got an image during the worship after the service as I was just sitting in His presence. I saw myself standing and holding a cup. (Now, mind you, I didn't even remember the journal entry from October until Friday.) I then dropped the cup to the ground, and it smashed into a thousand pieces. But right as that happened, it started to rain. Every part of me was getting soaked.

Now I didn't need an interpreter to tell me what that meant. I knew. And I wanted/want a downpour in my life. I want that storm. I want to live in the rain forest of His Holy Spirit. And I want to live in joy and live with passion. And I want to take off the limits.

I went up and got prayer after the service. I also can't put that into words, but I'll try and talk about it if you ask me. I guess I would say that it started to rain, so to speak.

So that's where I am right now. I'm amazed. And I never want to lose the wonder of Him.



Megan
(And, happy April 1st!)